I was getting my oil changed at Sears yesterday and a man buying a car battery took interest in the adorable little girl I was holding. There was a bit of a culture and language barrier but he seemed to be genuinely interested in learning how many children I had. It went something like this:
“How many will you have?”
“Just one. Maybe two.”
“Why don’t you want more children?”
“I like my husband. I like having time to spend with him.”
And then he proceeds to share his infinite wisdom with me, the ignorant and young first time mom. …with statements like…
“You lose some of your love for your husband and give it to your children. That’s just how it is.”
Disagree. The family dynamic changes but I think its even more vital to love your husband and feed your marriage after kids enter the picture. How else can you be a good parent if your marriage suffers? Its tougher, but its not an even exchange.
“When you’re young and you want to go out and party…”
He thought I was some sort of party animal lamenting the loss of my freedom.
And then the most blatent statement:
“Wanting more time with your husband is a bad reason not to have more kids.”
Thank you complete stranger. Maybe you could do me a favor and carry around my babies for me while they develop inside your body, then push them out your nethers(slowly and painfully) since you feel its your job to encourage the growth of my family on your terms. Just sayin’.
Again, I do think he meant well. I’m irritated because he essentially said, “You’re just selfish” in a nice, fatherly way. I think certain couples are built to handle several children–they are made for it and it shows. Each family has to make those decisions based on their temperament, needs, finances, whatever. Each family is different. And sometimes, we don’t have the control over those “surprise” babies, but we have some. Planning a family takes some consideration. I hear things like, “When are you having another baby?” sound as casual as “When are you picking up a gallon of milk from the grocery store?”
Who else has some thoughts or experience on this?