An honest moment

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Soooo… I wrote this last night at around 10:30pm:

I don’t know what to say except, here I go again sounding negative.  Babies cry.  And cry and cry.  I’m sitting here waiting for Malcolm to stop crying and go the &@#% to sleep, even after I fed him.  Again.  I don’t want any more kids.  Its too damn hard and I miss having any energy left for what I consider “real lifE”.  When in fact, I know sitting at a desk job all day since I can’t afford to do what I want is a little too real for me.  What a beautiful magical thing it is to have babies.  Blah blah blah.  I don’t want any more kids.  Its too damn hard.  I have two healthy kids and its too damn hard.  I’m so tired of being tired.  I’m so tired of worshiping sleep, as if nothing in the world mattered more than a nap.

I saved it as a draft, not knowing what I’d do with it later.  Find a lesson in it?  Edit out the rough edges?  Nope. Perhaps just an honest moment that can stand on its own with little commentary.

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2 responses »

  1. With my first son, I was so focused on labor and delivery. This second time around, I knew better. I knew labor and delivery was the EASY part and it was the months that follow that would be the REAL challenge.

    And…unfortunately we’re teammates this week, sharing the same fatigue. My second son is in a growth spurt and has a cold that has been causing him some distress. Needless to say, prolonged sleep has been a little bit in short supply.

    I appreciate your honest moment and chin up. I seem to recall things getting more pleasant as the child moves into toddlerhood. 🙂

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