a blog

Standard

I have been delighted to hear from several people that they enjoy reading my blog (who knew?).  I have thought of blogging several times a month, but it doesn’t seem to happen.  I have been very tired and sick most of the time, but I think its letting up.  I know this because the Ramen noodles in the pantry is still there.  That’s a triumph.  Eric found out I was eating two at a time, and he couldn’t hide his (disgust?) surprise.  “I didn’t even eat more than one at a time in college.”  Thanks babe.

I had been a little (a lot) depressed for a couple weeks recently, lamenting the loss of my time.  Meaning, when we have another baby, that’s even more of a barrier to me doing what I want–being who I want to be–outside of naps and diapers.  I’m being painfully honest here because I don’t think  moms often are. (Judge if you’d like, I don’t care–I’ll need less therapy someday!!) I think there are people in this world made for motherhood, and I’m not one of them.  I will love mostly my children, and rarely other peoples (unless they’re family or close friends) because I’m not wired any other way.  I was telling a friend about my recent pregnancy doldrums–here’s my continued mantra,

“I can’t do this again.  Its too hard.”  Occasionally there’s an expletive before “hard”, but I think the word “hard” sums it up.

My friend thought it was great I’m honest about how hard things are with a new baby for the first year. “Most moms aren’t.”  Maybe they think they’re supposed to be basking in parenthood.  There’s some awesome stuff that comes along with it…but its mostly HARD.  Bottom line.  And there are times when I’m hanging out with my mom friends and if I hear one more story about a failed nap, I want to tear my eyeballs out.  Can’t we have some wine and talk about something ELSE??  ANYTHING?  And then it dawns on me that I can’t even have wine.  Rats.

The funny thing is that most of the early posts on this blog were rants concerning nap schedules.  I’ve even considered renaming my blog to make a point.  Any suggestions??  Seriously.

That being said, I’m feeling great this week.  I don’t feel like I’m being pushed, pregnant, to the edge of a cliff, where a barren mommy wasteland lies beneath (there are moments).  I’m actually feeling pretty ok.  It does help that my 16 month old takes long naps now.  I have had some great encouragement from church folk regarding the seriousness of caring for another person.  They said it was the ultimate act of service and worship to God.  Sweet!  Often I feel like I should be feeding the homeless daily, but I can barely make dinner for myself some days.  If you’re a parent and you have faith in God, consider your service to your child like a service to God… that will get you through the day.  Take a deep breath. 🙂

In an effort to continue to conserve some of my own identity outside parenthood, I have considered painting again.  Just for fun.  I hope I can follow through with that without it becoming another chore.  Not to mention I have the most wonderful husband on the planet, so I have that going for me too.  Lots to be thankful for.

 

 

Advertisements

2 responses »

  1. I love your blog too, Quinn! And I totally agree about being honest about motherhood. I’ve tried to be honest too, and sometimes I feel very judged. I’ve had trouble making/keeping friends these last few months. I guess people change. Too bad we don’t live closer! I’d have that glass of wine… er… ginger ale with you.

    There is a delicate balance in staying true to ourselves while being a mom. It’s tough as a working mom too. There are two people you should check out: Lisa Jo Baker (http://lisajobaker.com/) and Jingeriffic (http://www.youtube.com/user/Jingerrific). Lisa Jo is incredibly encouraging and inspirational. Jinger is a mom of three boys and makes youtube videos of her adventures like hiking a mountain and going skydiving. They’re both great.

  2. Parenthood is hard. I felt trapped at times, depressed at other times. But as I watched my boys grow and become young men, it found my faith restored and rewarded with two of the finest men in the world. Both are wonderful fathers and their spouses are top notch. I could not have picked better. Now I am basking in the glory of being a grandmother. I love the job. I only wish that I could be able to have all of them close to me so I shower them with love and hugs! My memories of my boys when they were young have helped me smile when I am feeling low, to be so proud of their accomplishments and to love them forever.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s